This is an article on reasons why early teens easily get into dating and intimate relationship . Well, these days it’s a very common thing to hear teenage love stories. I am referring to teenagers falling in love typically in their school days.
Do you see school teens around you easily involving into an intimate relationship? Have you observed teenagers becoming vocal about their dates on social media? Have you ever thought what goes on in the mind of that student sitting next to you?
These are few real stories of early teens that I have interacted during my sessions
Early teen Infatuation
One day a mother in her 40’s walked into my clinic. I still remember her face filled with pain and moist eyes. She fumbled and said that ‘’I don’t understand from where to begin” and started sharing her painful story about her 13 years old daughter.
The mother used to work in a well-known organization and she knew that her daughter was into a relationship with a boy elder to him. She threatened her daughter many times about the dire consequences of that relationship. She said being a mother I could sense that things were not happening right. One evening when the mother returned from the office she was shattered to see her daughter with the same guy in their bedroom. That was one of the most shocking moments for the mother. The mother turned red and the tears rolled out from her eyes while narrating the entire incident.
In another incident, a worried father of 16 years old came along with his wife. He said “Our son has an affair with a girl who used to study in his class from 8th grade. Now he wants us to make their relationship official and he keeps on demanding that we must speak with the girl’s family”. A lot of chaos had happened at the girl’s place hence the boy wanted that his parents must convince her family. However, the Father told the boy that we cannot convince the family as you are still small for this sort of relationship and we don’t approve your relationship at this point of time.
The parents narrated how immature those two teenagers were and that it was so important that their son understands that it was not his age to settle down in personal life. Their son threatened them that if the parents won’t support him then he would run away from the house. Father was very worried about his son as he felt that somehow his son had lost his path and lost his focus in his studies.
Love letter Saga
In this scenario, a senior citizen lady brought her grand daughter to me. I remember the face of the anxious granny. She said, “My grand daughter who studies in 7th grade is caught red-handed while exchanging letters with a boy who is in 10th grade. The school authorities and we all questioned her multiple times if she needed any help but she always denied.”
The authorities warned that if she continues with this type of behavior she would be expelled from the school.
The concerned granny further added that the boy is opposite in terms of academics and has a bad name in school. The family was confused that why the girl landed up in such an activity like exchanging letters, meeting the boy and not sharing with the family about the repeated warnings that she got from the school authorities.
It was only when the family personally visited the boarding school they got to know that the school warned the girl multiple times and this was the last warning.
In another case, a mother brought her 16 years old daughter. One of the days the girl’s father happened to open his laptop and saw that the Facebook of his daughter was open. He was about to shut the chat window and was horrified to see that his daughter had sent her revealing pictures to a boy. The father then read the conversation and was unable to understand why his daughter sent such images to the boy.
When the mother came to know about the same she tried asking her what made her share such images with that boy. The girl said that the boy tried blackmailing her. It was a pure case of cyber-bullying. The mother felt that her daughter took this entire act quite casually. Both the parents explained to the daughter that the act by her was not right however she was not guilty about her act. Somewhere her daughter did not understand why it was inappropriate to share certain pictures to someone else. It worried the mother that what made her share the pictures and if there was anything else that the mother should know about her daughter.
In another incident, parents came along with 10th std girl. They were embarrassed and angry when they happen to come across their daughter’s Instagram account. It had images that any parent wouldn’t like to see. The teenage couple had uploaded obscene images on the account. One fine day the girl’s cousin happened to see and that’s when he reported to her parents. The parents were surprised to see her different image on Instagram.
They tried asking the girl about her affair with the college boy whom they had never seen before. They wanted my help to understand the psychology of their daughter and what made her take these steps.
These are just a few examples of different types of teenage relationships.
I have not mentioned what happened in each counseling session as it will make my blog too long for you to read.
9 common reasons why early teens get into dating and intimate relationship
Lack of love from either of the parent
When the child doesn’t share a good rapport with either of the parents due to any reason they seek for love in some outside person. They like to share their emotional backlog with that particular person and gradually get succumbed to unwanted steps without thinking about the repercussion.
Peer influence is one of the most common reasons why a teenager enjoys dating at an early age and without thinking much. In many cases, I have observed that the teenagers come and tell me that they wanted to have a relationship because their friends had a partner or they were told by their friends to get into a relationship and see the difference.
Like peer influence, peer pressure is also one reason teenagers fall into an intimate relationship. They get pressurized by their friends and are threatened to be excluded from the group if they don’t get into a relationship. They often say that they are not even sure what are they supposed to do by keeping a boyfriend or a girlfriend.
It is sad to see that many families are conservative when it comes to communicating with the opposite gender. The parents don’t allow their kids to interact with the opposite sex, neither allow them to make friends, neither allow them to play nor study. In such scenarios, the children become all the more vulnerable and get inappropriately attracted to the opposite sex.
Word Sex is a taboo
Parents feel shy to discuss the topic of sex with their children. They feel that the word sex in itself is a taboo. However, they fail to understand that once the child enters teens they are so inquisitive to know about sex and an urge to get into a physical relationship. When the children try approaching parents or even mention the word SEX they are asked to keep their mouth shut instead of explaining them in a better way.
Instant Gratification on social media
It’s a new hype that everyone is enjoying. When you upload an image you might get a lot of comments and likes which makes you feel on the top of the world. So imagine the plight of that youngster who gets hundreds of likes when she puts up a pic with her boyfriend. The kind of motivation that she gets and the competition to increase the followers on her profile encourages her to be in that relationship.
This is one more reason when a teenager gets into a relationship at an early age. He is desperately in search of a partner who would give a listening ear to him and an outlet to share all the pain that he has gone through in his past and may be present too.
Conflicts at home
A child who witnesses lots of conflicts at home doesn’t feel comfortable sharing his emotions at home. He would prefer to get hooked to someone at an early age and enjoy hanging around with the partner.
This is an age when hormonal changes take place at a rapid phase. Hence it is very common for an adolescent to get carried away by the opposite sex and due to these changes, they tend to take many steps at a faster stage.
Consequences of intimate relationships on early teens
It is not a crime to get into a relationship. However teenage love is more of an infatuation. This is a transition stage towards adulthood. There is a sense of autonomy and independence. Hence if anybody falls into intimate relationship in their early teens the entire focus shifts on that relationship.
I am not judging if it is good or bad to get into a relationship. The kind of era that we are into currently it is very common to witness teenage love. But it is essential that as a teenager one must know his or her priorities and be in senses.
Most of the times this kind of intimate relationships at a young age lead to distractions, the tension in the family, lack of focus, pretentious behavior and disconnected with the real self.
If the couple is matured enough then yes the relationship can turn out to be a fruitful one.
The idea is not to discourage relationships but to make them aware of the correct type and right way to be in a relationship if they are keen to be in a relationship
The risk of STD increases and post break up there is lot of emotional downfall too
What can you do as a parent to prevent your child from going a step further?
- First and foremost Freedom of thoughts, actions, and speech is very important in a child’s life
- Let certain topics like sex, love, and relationships be openly discussed
- Don’t wait for your child to be a teenager while discussing sex education
- It is very normal to get attracted to someone but your child must know that there is a big difference between crush, infatuations, emotional dependency, and physical dependency.
- Difference between love and lust
- Please give a lot of appreciation to your child so that he doesn’t depend on social media for approval
- Emotional bonding between you and your child is essential
- Whether you are a stay at home parent or someone who works outside do spend quality time with your child
- Observe your child and be a good listener
- If you find any act which you don’t approve on then it’s better to sit and explain rather than overreacting
- If you as a parent feel that certain topics are not so easy for you to discuss with your child then you can take help from a friend. Relative or consult a counselor especially if it’s hampering your child’s daily activity
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